GroomME: Your Mr. Right Can't Dance

Chelsie made one of the best decisions in her life 12 years ago.  "My girlfriend invited me to her company Christmas party and I initially decided to decline."

She continued, "While there, God focused my attention on this really sweet looking guy who seemed shy and nervous.  He didn't seem to be with anyone so I mosied over and asked him to dance."

"He turned me down but invited me to sit and talk. Twelve years and 2 children later I've found my soul mate.  Mark's the best husband a girl could have." 

Mark said, "I really don't dance because I had been hurt in a previous relationship. I was jilted at my engagement party and never recovered.  Chelsie didn't judge me.  She accepted me where I was and did not pull me onto the dance floor like many women would have done."

Tip:  Men deserve to be handled with the same sensitivities women do.  Guess what:  we hurt and bleed like everyone else.  The trauma of an embarassing experience, the death of a relationship or an inability to dance or play sports can provide you with an opportunity to find true love.  Show your compassionate side -- you may find Mr. Right.

Let Us Pray:  Lord please open my eyes to see as you see.  Give me a spirit of compassion and understanding as you prepare to meet my future husband.
In Jesus' name.

Amen

GroomME -- Your Mr. Right May Not Live Next Door!

Sulia took a vacation to China last year.  Although this may seem extravagant to some, Sulia sees a pilgramage of this sort a necessity for her to recharge her batteries once a year.  "I am almost 40," she says.
"If I sit around waiting for a mate, I may never go anywhere."

This is where I disagree.  Vacation or travel time should not suspend your search for Mr. Right.  You should always be looking.  The man for you may live in Florida or Fijii.  Oftentimes women have an ethnocentric attitude reflecting the belief that there is no man worldly enough to satisfy them.  I personally know countless guys who travel all over the world; speak several languages; own land in other countries and eat everything from tabouli to kangaroo.

Before you make plans for an expensive getaway, do three things to increase your chances in finding Mr. Right:

1.  Seek out male expertise during the planning process.  New friendships are always important.
2.  Seek out Christian communities that offer networking services for mission and non mission travelers.
3.  Be conscientious about meeting men who are adventurous, like you.

I learned of an advertising executive who was looking for a muscle car manufactured in the 1960's.  No problem right?  Only thing is, the car had to be pink.

He found the car after searching the Internet for weeks and speaking with car enthusiasts around the globe.  Think how much richer life was after getting to know these new people who crossed his path.  Searching for your Mr. Right may be like looking for a pink G.T.O.  During the hunt you may find, blue ones; red ones; green ones;  etc.  Does it matter as long as you are enjoying the ride?

God's canvas is not limited to Atlanta, or New York or Maui.  Think internationally, network globally.  Dare to meet the nephew of the little old lady who happens to have grown up in Japan and has family there.

Mr. Right is not going to arbitrarily knock on your door.  Nor will he crack the shell of your comfortably decorated coccoon.  Meeting new  people in Christ is never a bad thing.  Your Mr. Right may be on your next flight.

Let Us Pray:  Lord, even when I travel and enjoy your creation I am lonely and seek a mate.  Please give me the courage to meet new people, expand my horizons and experience the family you have waiting for me. In Jesus' name.  Amen.
Tip:  When planning your next trip, connect with faith communities in advance of your arrival.  Offer to volunteer, even for a day, during your time in a foreign land.  You may meet the right man for you.

GroomME Monday -- To Get a Husband, Carry Yourself Like You're Already Married

A number of women have commented to me that they have worn fake wedding or engagement rings to deter guys from hitting on them. Some of you are probably thinking Great Problem To Have Huh?  What these women realize is the importance of quality over quantity.  Men of substance typically don't go after women blindly.  They discretely check with a qualified network of friends and associates before making a move.  You may never know they are checking you out.  But rest assure that you are being judged by the comapny you keep; the girlfriends you hang out with; the men you've dated before and how you handle your social life with discretion.  So instead of wearing a disguise, focus on preparing yourself to welcome legitimate inquiries.  It's like your personal open house:  the smell of cookies in the oven makes a favorable impression.  Watch how successfully married women carry themselves.  Aspire to model yourself like them.

That's why some women are fortunate to have married successive husbands.  A widow, or divorcee can be attractive to many Mr. Rights.  If a woman has well-behaved, achieving kids; she responsibly handles her household and sincerely welcomes his interest in her -- she may be perceived as being more stable, family-oriented and economically sound.  Mr. Rights typically do not need to have biological children; they are more than happy helping to raise someone else's.  They are looking at a shorter window before stepchildren leave the home, and women who have been married are not overly concerned with superficial concerns.  Also, they do not come into the relationship ready to get pregnant immediately following marriage.  This can be a pressure cooker for any man to handle.   

So instead of trying to be unique and stand out as a high-maintenance diva, look at women who work hard at being successful mothers and/or act responsibly.

Let us Pray:  Lord please search my heart and prepare me to receive the mate you have for my life.  Please show me what I need to change in myself and give me the courage to step out on faith to make your plan complete.  In Jesus' name. 

TIP:  Purchase an inexpensive candy dish for your desk at the office and fill it with beef jerky, licorice or unsalted almonds.  Men will find your desk a place of refuge because your snacks will not compromise their ability to stay slim and trim.  This will also let them know how much you value fitness.   

God Bless

SUNDAY IS YOUR BEST DAY TO FIND YOUR HUSBAND! Here's How --

Finding a husband is an art form.  And Sunday is the best day of the week to catch the attention of your Mr. Right.  There are two reasons for this:  First, you are typically looking your best to catch his eye and secondly, he is in the frame of mind to be most charitable with his time. 

Men of substance are yearning for family and connection on Sunday.   Eating alone, sitting in church by himself and interacting with married men they admire in church can be very intimidating. 

Think about it, for a man of substance, he can’t show up at church with a different woman every Sunday – it paints a very negative image.  Oftentimes, in lieu of attending the service itself, men will opt to be ushers or attendants to avoid sitting alone.  Remember in my novel: “What A Fool Believes” how uncomfortable Sean was while waiting in the sanctuary for Chaunte’?  Take note, you have an advantage and can easily make him feel welcome.

Following are tips you can use to catch his eye:

1. Introduce yourself and compliment him on his commitment to service and his faith.  Tell him you’d like to treat him to coffee and learn more about how you can get involved or share common interests. 
2. Notice his tie or ask him about his watch.  If he wears great shoes compliment him on his style and let him know you are taking notice. 
3. Church is a place for fellowship so even though friendly hugs and hollow kisses are the norm; you don’t want to lay the charm on too thick.  You’ll be seeing him every Sunday so spread the attention out over a number of weeks.  It’s not like you have to zoom in on one single guy.  You can charm the socks off several guys at a time. 

Did you realize that Mr. Rights run in packs?

Sunday is a great time to observe which guys are hanging out with each other.  Married and single guys play golf together; work in the same offices; go to Men’s Prayer Groups and often know intimate details about each other.  An upstanding married man can often provide the 411 on your Mr. Right. 

Also, guys with common interests typically dress similarly, have similar physiques and purchase the same toys.  Just know that guys are very competitive.  When I see my buddies getting fit or making money; I make sure I am hitting the gym more and upping my game to keep up.  Success models success and you want to be a part of the success circle. 

Your Mr. Right Wants a Wife Like Her?

He’s watching.  His buddies’ wives are his benchmark for what he ultimately wants in a wife.  So you should watch the wives of his friends and notice the women he seems particularly interested in.  A great husband will treat his wife like royalty.  Once you catch his eye, he will target this royal treatment towards you.  Notice the wives he admires.  What type of jewelry are they wearing? Two carats? Three?  More? Are they looking haggard or are they happy? Louboutins or Payless?  Is “no hair out of place” or is it all over their heads?    Are the kids polite; is dad attentive to them.  Remember birds of a feather flock together.  Watch and learn.

Let me know how you are doing.  We’re in this together.

Groom ME Daily: SATURDAY'S HERE -- WHY DON"T YOU HAVE A DATE!

Groom ME Daily: SATURDAY'S HERE -- WHY DON"T YOU HAVE A DATE!: "If you want a husband, you have to get out there and socialize. When you're marketing any product, including yourself (duh: yeah you -- you..."

SATURDAY'S HERE -- WHY DON"T YOU HAVE A DATE!

If you want a husband, you have to get out there and socialize.  When you're marketing any product, including yourself (duh: yeah you -- you are a product) you have to promote it.  So your first goal is to make us want you.  I am not preparing you to waste your time with any ol' dude with a pulse; we're going for your Mr. Right -- the top shelf guy with the following characteristics:  

1.   God Fearing -- Yeah he says grace over our food and he prays over his family.  He loves his mother and respects her.  So he wants a wife who understands.  Are you his potential wife?  We'll see.  Let's find out.

2.  Rich -- He looks great and makes lots of money.  Surprised? Probably -- because you have been looking in all the wrong places.  He doesn't hang out in clubs.  He likes sports but could take or leave them.  He occasionally hangs out in bars but he sneaks out before it gets too late.  Why haven't you met him?  Because he doesn't wear his wealth on his sleeve.  He drives a Honda but lives in a neighborhood that's very expensive.  You will only be invited to his home after you pass muster.  Is this too hard for you? I'll teach you how to scope him out.  You don't have the right tools yet so you haven't found him.

3. Dates Discretely -- He doesn't like random women.  You may have spoken with him casually but never scratched the surface of a real conversation.  If you did you'd find out that he likes women with simple sophistication.  They may be a little older; richer than him but not silly like you.  These women make him spaghetti; like to spoon on the sofa; give him counsel on his business and they share wine in private. He trusts those who don't want or need his money.  But he's generous to a fault once you get under his skin.  He likes the smell of expensive candles, loves peek-a-boo lingerie and cashmere socks.  His pocket square cost $100 so don't insult him with a key chain or bottle of cheap wine.  Are you ready to up-your-game? 

4. Turn-ons -- He loves the fact you're independent.  But not too independent because he wants to dazzle you with his intelligence, needs to feel needed and seeks your approval and advice.  He will teach you something new but if you know everything he will pass you by.  He doesn't care about your weight.  Don't judge him like your girlfriends judge you.  Simple elegance turns him on -- not too much cleavage, nothing too tight -- but tasteful and sexy.  Opt for skirts in lieu of pants; heels in lieu of flats; sporty well-done hair that is consistent -- no matter the length.  He loves manicured nails because he manicures his. His business requires him to be well-groomed so you must be consistently on point.  Smell good; drape yourself in natural fabrics, the finest leathers you can afford. 

5.  Hobbies -- He loves to cook, buys great furniture and owns a watch that's worth more than his car.  His shirts may be custom made so get used to boxes coming for him in the mail.  His shoes come from Italy and Spain; his watch is worth more than his car.  He won't admire you for ripping the sticker off your car and racking up tons of debt.  You will find him living in a great neighborhood pruning trees, running his dogs and writing books. He plants flowers; tracks stocks and hangs out at car dealerships test-driving cars he's too cheap to buy.  He's up on the latest stereo equipment and electronics.  He's your accountant, doctor, veterinarian, or dry cleaner.  He's every guy you meet on the street but with the right filter you'll recognize him right away.  Sound boring? Probably but get to know him and you may learn something new.

6. He Loves Sex -- I mean love love loves sex.  But guess what -- he knows you love it too.  And he expects you to make him wait even when he'll try to convince you otherwise.  Look, we have mothers and sisters and we live by a double standard.   He'll want to push you to the sexual edge and blow your mind; and he'll leave you hot and bothered after a steamy, passionate kiss.  So if you want a husband -- hook him and tease him but don't bed him unless you are willing to suffer the consequences.  Guess what: If he wants you badly enough, he'll fly you to Vegas and marry you in three months.  Be prepared -- get your white dress ready.  But also, get ready for the craziest, freakiest mind-blowing sex you've ever imagined.  He'll want to please you.  Just make him feel pretty and don't cheat on him.  Trust goes a long way!

So now that you know what waiting for you -- Are you ready for this?  Nearly everyday you'll receive a new tip; a plan of action.  In no time Groom ME will do just that, GROOM YOU!

ACTION:

Call a guy you barely know and tell him you need his advice on one of the following:
1. Desire for a golf or personal trainer
2. Looking for a car like the brand he drives
3. Looking to purchase or refinance your home and seek his advice. 

Invite him for coffee.

Tell us your results.